Thursday, November 29, 2012
So many books, columns and articles to help with relationships. Basic info, nothing spectacular. Treat her right, be romantic and listen, listen, listen. What they leave out is not one relationship is like another. There is no one size fits all, magic pill of healing or universal code for ever lasting love. You see, we are individuals and as such what works for him/her will cause uber and utter destruction for someone else. My advice: BE HONEST. Not just to your better half but to yourself as well. What you can live with or without, what irritates you, angers, frustrates etc. Also be open about expectations, desires, fears and future plans. We all have habits, good and bad. We all see things differently. Love is truly the easy part. Its when you are in DISLIKE with each other that life will become challenging. Stuff happens. You wont always agree, things wont always be peachy. Cliff and Claire Huxtable are fictional characters, in real life, they had marital problems too. Its how you handle them, how you react and relate during those troubled times that make or break relationships. Leave your ego and pride out if you do not want them to be what you snuggle up too. You know her, her habits, attitudes, feelings and moods. So sit down, open your mouth and ask, open your ears and listen and then open your heart and comfort. And never, ever, ever use social media to work on or discuss your relationship. Sharks love the smell of blood in the water. All who congratulate you on your union, aren't always sincere. Some want what you have and cant wait for the opportunity to seize it. Mind your business by keeping it your business. Now for those of you who swim in the sea of dishonesty, we will work on that one for a later post. Gods Blessings...
Friday, February 3, 2012
Most women cheat because of negligence, abuse or response to a cheating mate. While men are opportunist in indiscretions, women are usually victims of passion , searching for whats missing in their relationship, or are fed up with repeated disrespects and infidelities by their mates. Women cheat because they are being cheated on, are hurt and left to feel unattractive, wanted and unloved. Most women are'nt looking for a "Pay-Back" fling or a "Make me feel like a women" affair. They truly feel like they are finally desired, wanted and in some cases loved.There are the occasions when a woman is out to get hers-you know -doing what men have been doing. But most often ,its a reaction from pain, anger and disrespect. The devaluation of a relationship, the search for new conquest and feeding of the male ego leads to most destructive acts in marriages. When men finally acknowledge their emotions, fears of being alone, insecurities of penis/success envy of past lovers and lack of self confidence , only then will he be able to be honest with himself, appreciate what he has, take pride in a successful relationship and reject immature impulses that lead to creeping. It doesnt matter if she comes on to him, seduction only works if there is an acceptance of an offer. Contrary to popular beliefs, you can not slip and fall onto/into "A WOMAN". She can not make you an offer you can't refuse. Regardless to who may or may not see you, a man honors his commitment, respects and appreciates what he has and does not jeopardize it for ANYTHING. So the next time you are hit on, paid a complement or made to feel like you're the ish, remember, there's a woman at home ,with whom you have total trust, she loves you even when you dont deserve it and supports you when ever you need it. To her, you are more then a lay, a check or protection. You are worth loving, caring for, being committed to and you can trust her with your life. She's not going to bail when things get tough, she has your back and all she asks is that you be honest with her ,love her and honor your relationship. No one deserves to be made a fool. If you're not man enough for her, move on, give her a chance at happiness. Go play your games elsewhere, okay? Love is not pain. Love her unconditionally, truthfully or not at all.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Why do we argue? Is it because we do not agree? Is it just about wrong and right? How do you defend poor judgement or irresponsibility by arguing? First off, if you know you are wrong, SHUT UP. If you've been busted, caught or what ever, man or woman up and take your medicine. Second, keep to the rules of arguing. Your voices should never become elevated. Men use this (Boisterous) tool to try an intimidate or control the sway of the arguement. Even if he is wrong, he will use this tactic to either persuade or gain forgiveness. Also stay on topic and in control. Arguements can end in property destruction, name calling, the bringing up of old problems and sometimes bodily injury. Never have a heated discussion while intoxicated or in public. Alcohol distorts and corrupts reasoning and embarrassing each other in public will no doubt turn ugly, so save it for home. When you argue, you lose perspective, you stop listening and you can no longer hear another point of view. If its about facts, or information that can be verified, why not just look it up? But if you are correct, do you need the childish "Im right, I told you so?" or if you are wrong can you say "Yeah you were right ,my bad" or "I apologize?" If it involves other people such as the raising of children, you HAVE to compromise. Not your way or his/her way, but together ,both your ways. Don't think because you are the man, its your way or else, or if you make the most money, you're calling all the shots. Do not belittle or disrespect your loved one . You can not take things back once they are said. Control your self. Ask yourself, "Why am I so angry?" Yes we want to be right, but at what cost? I love a good debate, and I use to be prone to loud and unruly arguements. Then one day it hit me. "Is it really that important for such a aggression?" "Can I not express my self and talk like a mature adult?" It does take two to argue. If you find yourself in such a situation, calm yourself, Say "how bout we look it up?" or "Why dont we ask so and so?" But if you are proven right, leave it at that. If you are proven wrong, acknowledge it and let it be. Once you cross the threshold from discussion to arguement, things can get out of hand and cost you more than the "right or wrong" you desparately need.